Tebow Changes His Mind

This just in........


January 12, 2009

Tebow To Skip Senior Season, Ascends Directly Into Heaven

Gainsville (SP) -- Shortly after indicating that he would play his senior year for the Florida Gators after winning a national 
championship in a 24-14 win over Oklahoma, junior quarterback Tim Tebow announced that he had changed his mind and would skip his senior season and ascend 
directly into heaven.

As Tebow entered the press room this morning in Gainsville a few minutes after 8:00 EST, A reporter for a 24-hour cable sports network burst into tears . Another threw a pair of boxer shorts on the podium. Tebow smiled at the gesture and several sports reporters fainted. "Sorry I'm late," Tebow began. "There was a six-year-old boy with cancer in the large fan gathering outside and I had to make my way through the crowd to heal him."

"I want to start by saying that playing quarterback for the University of Florida, winning two national championships, has been a great honor. There has a change in direction concerning my future and I want to clear it up right now," he continued. "Don't go, Tim!" a reporter shouted from the back of the room.


"After much consideration, I have decided to change my original decision to stay, I will in fact skip my senior season at the University of Florida and ascend directly into Heaven,". Upon making the announcement, Tebow was bathed in a blinding white light and vanished.

In response to the news, ESPN announced they will have a month-long tribute to Tebow. ESPN2 will now be known as ESPN-TEBOW and will feature Tebow highlights (including home videos of Tebow's childhood), re-airings of past interviews, Tebow-centric analysis by ESPN air personalities, a Tebow quiz show and a reality show to find the "most Tebow-like" person in America.
"He wasn't just the greatest player in college football history," said a college football writer at the press conference, tears streaming down his face. "He might have been the greatest person to ever walk on earth."




I hate Florida.